Monday, January 27, 2014

The First Day

This is the first day I write with some consistency. I think it's a good idea for my own mental self organization to get my thoughts down and, maybe someday, other people may want to read about them?  I don't know.

Besides I like writing. Ostensibly I'm even a writer. But while I've cranked out some very good plays, poems, essays and short stories in my time I haven't sat down and submitted to the raw endurance gauntlet of mashing keys daily. Also I've never kept a diary. For someone who doubts as much as me it strikes me as a surprised that I don't often write about myself.

So here are some things about me, dear reader, if you're interested and out there.

-I'm a college student. 21, studying Dramatic Literature.

-I'm going to be late to graduate. If you didn't know this, surprise! I assure you it doesn't give you nearly as much anxiety as it does for me.

-I'm Black but due to a lot of moves and cultural alienation, real and perceived on my part I don't always feel as connected with the community as I should. It doesn't help (in my mind at least) that I sound like a white radio announcer. Yes I'm aware this is self persecution but I often can't help it.

-I'm bisexual although apparently I read 'straight' to straight people and 'gay' to gay people. I don't really like the term 'bisexual' really. Sexuality to me is a series of actions and  desires (verbs) not versus statements of being (nouns). Still the term has it's uses since I believe in community and a community needs self identifiers.

-I'm a lazy bisexual, in that since I barely know how to talk to girls in a romantic and sexual context I basically live a homosexual existence. There's nothing wrong with that but I do occasionally wonder.

-I'm an actor/director/playwright/future restaurant employee.

-I'm a geek largely into a lot of the sci-fi fandom though I love boardgames too.

-I'm a Leather-Baby, not quite a Leather Man, though I'm learning fast. It's only been six months and I've developed a strong since of identity as well as enormous respect for the leather, fetish, and BDSM community in it's members. In fact the name 'Marlowe' is my Puppy name for when I'm doing Pup Play.

-I'm a devoted brother, though I've made a lot of mistakes.

-I love critical theory, philosophy, and  different cultural conventions.

- I love the world.

-I'm not very religious though I've always yearned for the spiritual in my life. Recently I've taken up worshipping the Titan Prometheus though. It's complicated.

-I don't believe in fate.

-I don't believe in soul-mates. Or the supremacy of monogamy as a relationship system even.

-I don't believe in a useless life or useless knowledge.

-I don't believe in the existence of altruism, but that doesn't mean I don't believe in love, good, empathy or compassion.

-I suffer from Depression. This one should probably be obvious. Still if I keep active, and keep fighting it with a little help I don't believe in letting it overwhelm me.

So that's the beginning of this. It might have been a tad pretentious. My goal is to try to write here three-four times a week even if the posts are nonsensical or badly written. Because at least they'll be written.

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